So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
