Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
