yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
