I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
