Betty ford says i'm here all night
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
