So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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