Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
