I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
