Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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