Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
