For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
