Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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