marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
