I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
