quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize