I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize