Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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