You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
