Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
