When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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