her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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