Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
