I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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