Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
