what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
