Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Girls should come with a carfax report
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
