i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
