i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
