just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
