the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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