So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
