You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
