so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
