She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize