You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
