guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize