he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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