he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
