I think i peed on brittanys purse
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
