apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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