Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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