I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
