I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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