the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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