69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
