we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
