Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Four minutes until I can fart!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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