just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
