sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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