did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize