Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
