I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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