Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
