So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
