Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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