as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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