So drunk its hurt
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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