dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
