i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
