i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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