And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
