two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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