office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
