Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
