They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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