You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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